


Always Gold

by Words_Are_Hard



Category: Boondock Saints (Movies)
Genre: Brotherly Love, Fluff, Gen, Homophobic Language, Pre-Canon, Protective Connor, Teenagers, i'm weak, listen it's 2am I just vomited this up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-13 21:34:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28660305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Words_Are_Hard/pseuds/Words_Are_Hard
Summary: Just a drabble centred on the boys as teenagers; I haven't posted any new fic in almost a decade but dammit I just really wanted to write them being affectionate. Anyways, I hope you enjoy!
Comments: 1
Kudos: 5





	Always Gold

It was raining again, practically pouring out – and so their break was spent in their form room, chairs pulled around so that groups of friends could talk, whilst other just opted for sitting on the tables themselves.

Murphy was watching the droplets run down the window panes, his chin rested pensively in the palm of his hand until Connor pulled at his chair, startling him out of his thoughts. Shifting around, he gave his brother a sheepish smirk when he saw the flash of concern pass over his features. It was only that; quicker than a blink, but Murphy saw it nonetheless.

“Hey, Murph - you alright?”

“Aye- just zonin’ out.”

“Good,” Connor replied, sliding his twin his packet of M&M’s, “wouldn’t wanna spend me entire break stuck talkin’ to this lot by myself.”

“Ah fuck you, Connor.” 

‘This lot’ referred to the three boys that sat parallel to the two of them, who’d unceremoniously pulled their seats closer, happy to include the twins in their conversation. Connor was the one usually happiest to socialise, whereas Murphy was fine keeping to himself. Of course, he wasn’t a total hermit, far from it – he was just as liked as his brother, he still got on with the other kids in their classes. He was just the quieter one, was all. Especially when topics like girls and who fancied who came up. As the subject of conversation turned to which girls were looking particularly pretty that day, Connor had glanced Murphy’s way just in time to see him visibly swallow, and shove another couple of M&M’s into his mouth, eyes averting themselves down to the desk. Just briefly, an instinctive response. 

Jake, one of the taller boys in the class, with a mop of dark curls and bright, cheeky eyes, had just named one Kate O’Connor as his object of affections, to the almost unanimous agreement of all those gathered. And when it came to Connor’s turn, he was able to fob them off easily enough – easy answers; ‘There’s a couple of lasses in another form, but I’ll be fucked if I get caught tellin’ any of you lot.’

He had always been better at that than Murphy – cop out answers that always got accepted as-is, no one pressed him. He was just so confident in the lie – and Murphy knew it was a lie, because his brother had never shown any interest in any of the girls in their school. Something he was eternally thankful for.

He didn’t want to imagine what it’d be like if Connor started dating, started bringing girls home. He didn’t want to think about the wedge that’d force between them, even if he got on with the girl in question. It’d change things. He wasn’t stupid, he knew things _would_ eventually have to. And yeah, it was probably selfish of him to not want that for Connor. He wanted him to be happy, of course he did. 

But that didn’t mean _he_ had to be happy about it though. Not deep down. 

“A’right, what about you Murphy? Who you got your eye on then?”

Connor glanced his brother’s way when his turn came about, saw how he shifted in his seat and shrugged, trying his best to be nonchalant. This of course only aroused more suspicion and good-natured jeering. “Come on, man – who is it?”

“Bet it’s Grace, in Miss Thomas’ class-”

“Nah man, she’s already runnin’ with that dick, the one with the stupid hair-”

“Murph’s actually already seein’ someone.”

Another lie, again from Connor. And seamlessly, Murphy followed his lead, as always. Even managed a smirk for him when Connor next looked his way with a sneaky grin, though they both knew it was entirely out of gratitude. 

And of course, it earned Murphy looks of newfound admiration and curiosity, with him getting thumped on the arm in jest as he was pushed for more information, even just a description, anything! Did she go to this school, or the girls’ comprehensive across town? What was her name? Was she older than them or younger? To which Connor was just as quick to come to his rescue, pulling Murphy to him with a playful arm hooked around his neck.

“He’s not tellin’ a soul, she’s a mystery lass – trust me boys, I’ve tried gettin’ it outta him, he’s not crackin’.” 

“Bet she doesn’t even exist.” Cut in one of the other boys, Toby. On the skinny side, bit of a twat, but he was alright most of the time. “Got any proof, Murph? Show us a picture or somethin’.”

“Fuck off,” Murphy shot back with a sneer. That was a far more natural response, and by now he’d settled far enough into the lie to roll with it, “you’re not one to talk.”

A grin spreading across his face, Jake threw an arm around Toby’s shoulders. “Aye – the last time you even talked to a girl, y’got y’ass handed to you, isn’t that right Tobes?”  
The twins sniggered along with the others at the memory as Toby flushed red. After being dared to go and speak to the young lady in question a few weeks back, the other boys had watched as words were exchanged across the tarmac, and then as she’d raised her voice in offence. Toby hadn’t stood a chance, and yet he’d tried to make it better. Long story short, he’d said something else in a desperate attempt to undo whatever damage he’d caused, and had earned himself a hard slap.

In retrospect, it wasn’t all that funny, but in a town where nothing much happens, you’ve gotta relish in the little dramas.

With that memory fresh in everyone’s minds, just like that the heat of the spotlight was off of Murphy, and not long after that, the bell was ringing for the end of break. As students hurried to get to their correct classrooms, the twins included, Murphy caught Connor’s eye as they haphazardly put their stuff back into their backpacks.

“Thanks, Conn.”

“No problem, Murph. You’re good.” 

And for the time being, that was the end of it. English class passed by at a drag, and both boys were itching to get the school day done with. Only, on his way out, Connor was stopped by their teacher, and Murphy was urged to go on ahead. Of course, there wasn’t much point in him heading back home alone, so they agreed with just a look and a nod where they’d meet. 

Just a few minutes outside the school gates was the twins’ preferred smoking spot – a massive oak tree stood close to one of the local parks, made for great shelter from the rain, and was big enough for the two of them to hide behind if a teacher was walking past. So it was there that Murphy headed, his pack of cigarettes out of his pocket the second he was out the school gates. The sky was still that dull shade of grey and of course it was still raining, but not nearly as hard as it had been earlier – felt kinda nice, if he was being honest. After being cooped up all day, the fresh air was welcome, even if was fucking freezing. Leaning back against the tree’s great trunk, he lit up, and zipped up his jacket once his lighter was safely pocketed. 

He only got a couple of drags into his smoke, however, when he heard his name called. Leaning up, he realised it was the boys from class earlier, joined by another two from another form group.

“Y’alright?” 

“Aye, you lot?”

“Aye, we’re just headin’ into town, maybe catchin’ a movie if y’wanna come with us?”

Murphy shrugged, and took another drag from his cigarette, “Nah, think I’m good. M’just waitin’ for Connor.” 

“Or your girlfriend,” Toby piped up, fixing Murphy with an odd sort of look. It wasn’t a nasty one, but his tone of voice and the reaction it got from a couple of the other boys rubbed Murphy the wrong way. “She’s welcome t’come too- or y’know, she would be, if she existed.”

“Fuckin’ leave it, would ya?” Murphy shot back, “To be honest it’s a bit weird, you bein’ so obsessed with this. Gonna make me think you’ve got a crush on me next.”

That got an even bigger laugh, but between the two boys, the mood had taken a turn. While he tried to pretend like he found the jibe as funny as the others, it was clear the humour was lost on him. And when the others all said their goodbyes to Murphy, he assumed that’d be the end of it until tomorrow. Only, while the others went to walk off, Toby hung back. Murphy took another drag.

“You think you’re so fuckin’ funny, don’tcha?”

“Aye, I do actually.” Murphy smirked, “Come on man, I was only kiddin’ – it’s cool-”

“No it’s fuckin’ not, dipshit.” Toby spat back. By now, the other boys had realised something was happening behind them, and had stopped and turned to watch. “You callin’ me gay, how’s that fuckin’ funny?”

“Uh, ‘cause it’s a fuckin’ joke?” Murphy replied, his tone taking on a slight sneer when Toby took a step closer. If there was one thing Murphy wasn’t afraid of, it was a scrap – and he could sense one in his very near future. “Calm down, man – Jesus.”

“Tobe, come on – leave it.”

Jake’s request fell on deaf ears.

“Nah man, I’m not calmin’ down – not till you apologise.”

“For fucks sake-”

“You wanna know what I think, Murph?” He shoved him then, hard enough to make Murphy crack his head against the trunk of the oak tree. “I think you’re the one with a thing for guys. You’re the one with the girlfriend who doesn’t fuckin’ exist, you’re the one hangin’ off your faggot brother all the fuckin’ time, followin’ him around like a-”

That was all it took for Murphy to see red, lunging forward, his fist connecting with the other boy’s jaw in the blink of an eye. In seconds they were on each other, fists and elbows flying. Had it not been for Connor running at them both and hauling Murphy off of him, it would have been almost impossible to keep up with whose arm was whose, or who was getting pummelled. By now the other boys were just jeering and yelling for it to carry on, but Connor had his hands full keeping the two apart. Toby was clearly pissed, but when Murphy got to fighting, he was an animal. 

“Murph, Jesus- back off! Toby back the fuck off right fuckin’ now-” 

“Get outta the fuckin’ way Connor, your fag brother needs a lesson teachin’-”

Just like that, it was Connor’s turn to round on him. Stronger than Toby, it was easy to shove him back hard enough to make him stumble, almost fail to catch his balance. When he next looked Connor’s way, he was only inches from his face, voice steady and his tone venomous.

“I said, back the fuck off.”

“You’re both fuckin’ psycho’s, probably screwin’ each other for all we fuckin’ know – probably why he’s so fuckin’ wound up for you. That’s what it is, right Murph? Not into girls, not into guys, just your fuckin’-”

This time, all it took for Toby to hit the ground was a hit from Connor. Murphy could feel his blood boiling still, even if the other boys made attempts to laugh Toby’s remarks off for him. Hands at his shoulders, trying to remind him not to take it personally. No fuckin’ way.

Instead, he just watched as Connor pinned the other boy to the ground, heard how his voice shifted to a low, warning growl. 

“Let me make one thing crystal fuckin’ clear, asshole. You touch my brother again? I’ll feed you y’fuckin’ teeth, give your bone structure a real nasty change-around, you fuckin’ hear me?” 

Even after Toby begrudgingly nodded, told him yes, Connor made sure he was understood before he finally let up, getting to his feet and flexing his hand as he grabbed up his brother’s backpack for him, and nodded to the others.

“See you tomorrow lads.”

“Aye, yeah…see you, Connor.”

.

It wasn’t until they reached the corner of their street that Connor looked at his brother again, tugging Murphy to a stop so that he could mop up some of the blood oozing from his nose. He could practically feel the anger radiating off of Murphy like steam, felt how he was all but vibrating with a need to release the pent up rage that Connor hadn’t let him vent. 

“You good, Murph..? You alright?”

Wiping his nose with his own sleeve, Murphy just looked at the floor. “Aye. M’fuckin’ fine.” 

“The fuck was all that about then? I leave you alone for five minutes-”

“Just fuckin’ leave it, Connor – I said I’m fine, so fuckin’ leave it.”

Connor just looked at him for a moment or two, though they were both distracted soon enough by the sound of distant thunder. Hooking an arm around Murphy’s shoulders, Connor gave him the smallest of squeezes, dutifully ignoring the bite in his brother’s bark.

“Come on. Let’s go home.” 

.

Thankfully, their mother wasn’t home yet, so the boys had time to get changed, and for Connor to patch Murphy up. It certainly wasn’t the worst scrap he’d been in – all he’d earned himself this time were a couple of scrapes and a bloody nose, but whatever had been said to kick it off had darkened Murphy’s mood more than usual, though not in the defensive, flighty way it tended to. Usually he became restless and irritable until he could work his frustrations out, whether that meant stomping off by himself or fighting with his brother until it turned into something closer to play. 

This time, while he barely said a word, he let Connor see to him, let him clean him up and tend to him without protest. Both sat on the edge of Murphy’s bed with the first aid kit opened and spilled out next to Connor, the brothers sat in quiet for a little while, just until his curiosity got to be too much. As he gently dabbed at one of the smaller grazes on his brother’s hand, he didn’t bother to glance up.

“You gonna tell me what happened back there..?” 

“Nothin’.” Murphy replied, clearly still angry but his voice quiet nonetheless. “It was nothin’. Prick couldn’t take a fuckin’ joke.”

“So, you started it then?”

For a second, the two caught each other’s eye; Connor had meant it lightly, but Murphy just frowned, and shrugged.

“I guess…I dunno. He kept harpin’ on about the whole girlfriend thing, said I was into guys. I told him if he was so fuckin’ obsessed with me love life, that maybe he’s the one into dick. I don’t know, it was stupid.”

“…That sorta shit doesn’t usually make you this mad, Murph.” Connor pointed out, his tone just as gentle as his touch now. “What else did he say..?”

Murphy shrugged again, wincing a little at the sting of the antiseptic. “…Brought you into it.”

Despite everything, Connor smiled. Only a little, just to himself. “Look at you, me very own knight in shinin’ armor.”

This time, he managed to lure the tiniest of smiles out of his brother in reply, short lived as it was. Getting a fresh wipe, he moved onto the scrapes on Murphy’s cheekbone, tilting his face slightly more into the light. Despite the chill in the air, his hands were warm, like they were absorbing all the pent-up anger Murphy still had.

“But, Murph, listen…y’don’t have to attack everyone who says shit about me behind me back, it’s not worth it. He was just tryin’ t’get a rise outta you, that’s it. Just tell him to fuck off next time.”

“Says you. What was it you said to him..? You’d feed-”

“ ‘ _Feed him his fuckin’ teeth_ ’, aye.” The twins both smirked at that, with Connor nodding in approval, “Rather proud’ve that to be honest.” 

“If he ever touched me again.” Murphy finished, softer then. 

“Aye. And I meant it.”

“Why not tell him to fuck off next time?” 

The mocking of his own words made Connor roll his eyes and shake his head, though he didn’t stop working away at his brother’s face. “S’different.”

“…How? How’s it different?”

That was the only time his hand paused, albeit for no longer than a heartbeat or two. This time, it was Connor’s turn to shrug. “Just is.”

“Fuck you, no it’s not. Someone comes up to me, starts talkin’ shit about you, no way they’re not leavin’ with a black eye at the very fuckin’ least.”

Really, Connor knew why it felt different. Neither knew which was older, but it was unspoken that that role tended to fall to him. Where Connor lead, Murphy followed. Always together, but Connor always a step ahead, just in case. Ever since they were little. And while they were only fifteen now, neither could ever see that changing. They had always been each other’s constant, as well as the other’s anchor and enabler. Murphy had only started smoking because Connor had tried it, after all – thought it made him look cooler. For better or worse, he looked to him for solutions and answers.

Right then and there, with those sharp, bright eyes of his, Murphy was wanting an answer that Connor wasn’t sure he needed to give at all. And yet, when Murph pushed for one with an expectant, impatient look, Connor had to smirk at least a little.

“S’different ‘cause you’re me little baby brother, don’t you know-”

He earned himself a clout around the back of the head for that, but he’d lured a smile out of Murphy all the same, so he was happy to call it a win. 

Little by little Murphy’s cuts were cleaned up, and the blood wiped away. His cheekbone and eye would be swollen up something fierce the next day, but his mood improved little by little as the evening slowly wore on. A couple of hours in front of the TV helped with that immensely, though even when he became more talkative, it was still clear to Connor something was still on Murphy’s mind. They’d started out at opposite ends of the sofa, but gradually – as they inevitably always did – they ended up squashed at one end, with one of Connor’s arms slung lazily over the back of the sofa, one foot on the coffee table, whilst Murphy leaned against his side, heavily and comfortable and undeniably quiet.  
As badly as Connor wanted to know what was on his mind, he didn’t ask again. Instead, he focused on keeping him happy – and occasionally batting his hand away from his face whenever he noticed Murphy trying to touch the grazes and prod the would-be bruises, or when he caught him picking at the skin around his thumb. Nasty habit, one of the very few things they didn’t share. After the third hand-swat and a sharp, bony jab to the ribs in reply, Connor pointedly and dramatically grabbed for Murphy’s hand, locking their fingers together and holding obnoxiously tight.

“If you’re insist on pokin’ and proddin’ your stupid face and undoin’ all the work I put into cleanin’ you up, then this is what’s gonna happen.”

“You’re worse than Ma, Christ - Connor give me fuckin’ hand, fucks sake!”

When Murphy tried wrenching it free, Connor just gripped tighter with a wicked, cheeky grin. It was around then that Murphy remembered his left hand existed, and thus a new fight began. Soon toppling off of the sofa, the boys each scrabbled between thumps and jabs to try and roll the other over and therefore claim the place of victor-

And then the sound of a car outside deemed the fight an even tie as the brothers seamlessly went from scrambling to pin the other down to get up the stairs first, and (more importantly) before their mother could come in and catch them. 

“Reckon she’ll be pissed?” 

Murphy pulled off his shirt and said nothing, continuing to get ready for bed until Connor had grabbed up a balled-up pair of socks from the floor and chucked it at him. It hit Murph square in the shoulder and bounced off into the abyss, and while it seemed to startle him, it apparently wasn’t enough for him to throw it back with brotherly vengeance or even answer him.

“Huh?” Was all Connor got for his troubles. 

“I said ‘you reckon she’ll be pissed’ – Ma, I mean. ‘bout your face.”

Downstairs, their mother swore, loudly and angrily at some unknown grievance. Murphy shrugged.

“It’s Ma. She’s always pissed, one way or another.” 

.

When they’d been children, they often shared a bed for one reason or another. When they were seven, the heating had packed up the week before Christmas, and even with a hundred blankets and too-big pyjamas, it’d been easier to fall asleep wrapped up together. Whenever Murphy experienced a particularly vivid or frightening nightmare, as he was prone to, Connor would wake up – sometimes before Murphy had even made a sound – and padded over to his bed in the cold and the dark to soothe him. 

And sometimes, it was purely just for comfort, the invading brother reassured by the arms that’d come around them, the movement and the shifting to accommodate one another as instinctive to them as breathing or blinking. It was just right. Both rarely asked why they did it anymore, because it wasn’t a question of why. Never had been, really. 

As they’d grown into teenagers, it went unspoken that that fact had (and never would) change. Nowadays, as the hands of the clock crept further and earlier into the small hours of the morning and the darkness settled, one climbing into the other’s bed simply went unquestioned. 

Usually, it was Connor who’d become aware of brother curling up against him, bony ankles hooking loosely over his own as a skinny arm hugged him close. Usually, it was him who’d wake up first, with Murph’s face nestled safe and content into the space where his throat met his collarbone, breathing soft and even. Usually that was how it went, but not always. That night, as the MacManus house quietened down and the rain hammered hard against thin window panes, it was close to midnight when Murphy who felt his duvet lift up behind him, and the brief draught of cold air as Connor climbed in next to him. 

Murphy closed his eyes again, concern sleepily waltzing with reassurance and contentment as he shifted up a little to give him more room. Once Connor was comfortable, one leg sleepily tangling with Murphy’s and his hand curled into a relaxed fist at his chest, Murphy gently bumped his head back against his brother’s forehead. 

“Alright..?”

Connor nodded. “Aye.”

Despite knowing that their mother had likely fallen asleep downstairs and was out of hearing (or waking) range, they still kept their voices low and soft; reminiscent again of their much younger days when they were six and eight and ten, when talking and sniggering under the covers after bedtime would earn them a stern telling off and a clip round the ear each from her.

Hell, nowadays she probably wouldn’t notice, but still. This time was sacred. Private. Theirs. 

Usually, that’d be the extent of it, unless there was something specific one twin wanted to talk over with the other. As they’d gotten older, they’d found that this time where they could be completely close and quiet and alone was best spent just like that; quietly. And so, when nothing but the sound of the storm outside spoke to him in the moments that followers, Murphy assumed that that wasn’t the case. That Connor just wanted to be close, and that suited him just fine.

For a little while after, both boys were still, though they both knew that the other wasn’t asleep. So when Murphy carefully pushed his hand under his brother’s, he wasn’t startled when Connor finished the movement by gently lacing their fingers together – a small, familiar comfort.

“What’s on your mind, Murph..?” 

Connor’s breath tickled the nape of his neck when he spoke. Murphy must have tensed – albeit involuntarily, as if caught in a lie – because Connor followed up his question with a small nuzzle into his hair.

“There’s somethin’ you’re not talkin’ to me to me about…earlier, when I was cleanin’ you up, you were all quiet-”

“M’fine,” Murphy replied, soft and a little too quickly, “I was just fumin’ still, that’s all. Just pissed.”

It was a dodge and they both knew it. They were both decent enough liars when they really needed to be, but never to each other. They could read each other like open books, there’d never been any point in trying. And although Connor had known he wouldn’t get a clear answer immediately, it still forced a small sigh of frustration from him. They told each other everything, had no secrets from one another, so when one began to take root, it felt wrong. Weird, somehow. 

“S’bullshit and you know it….it’s more than that.”

Murphy said nothing, at least not with words. Down at his heart where matching hands lay linked, he squeezed the fingers laced with his own, just or a second. And that was all Connor needed; just enough to tell him he was right.

“…You wanna talk about it?” 

“Not right now.” 

“Tomorrow..?”

Mostly into his pillow, Murphy nodded. “Aye. Tomorrow.”

As the lie settled between them, neither said anything else. Connor didn’t push, and Murphy didn’t argue. They just lay in the dark, quiet as they drew closer, the questions and concern on Connor’s mind heavy as the sleep Murphy finally fell into.


End file.
